The Mountain Laurel
The Journal of Mountain Life

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from the
Heart of the Blue Ridge

A Bear Story

By Carl "Skinny" Rowland © 1990

Issue: March, 1990

Now I have always been a calm one,
and I've never been afraid,
for I always pack a muzzle loader,
and a knife with a ten inch blade.

Well one day while hunting rabbits,
I came across a bear instead,
so I calmly laid my rifle down,
and aimed the ramrod at his head.

Well it didn't matter after all,
as the doggone gun were'nt loaded,
but something had to happen next,
so that danged old bear exploded.

Well that's just when I remembered,
I had some chores that needed done,
so I decided best I do them now,
and postpone this hunting fun.

Well that old bear he turned around,
and started after me,
and I went darn close to fifty feet,
straight up a ten foot tree.

Then I charged my gun with powder,
and a ball and wadding too,
and then charged up the flash pan,
and did what I had to do.

I shot that bear smack in the mouth,
but again he came out best,
for he switched ends almighty fast,
and aimed that bullet at my chest.

Well that old bear he missed his shot,
as the bullet never hit me,
so he showed his fangs a time or two,
and started up my tree.

Well he climbed clear on up past me,
clear to the top he went,
that treetop came clear to the ground,
when with all that weight it bent.

Now I didn't even hear a countdown,
he only growled with glee,
as he hopped off and the tree went up,
and it was liftoff time for me.

I learned one thing for sure that day,
when you want to go somewhere,
you're sure to get there fast enough,
if you take the trip by air.

That trip it was quite short and fast,
so I cannot just recall,
what happened to that bear or me,
as I smacked that canyon wall.

But I know that I outsmarted him,
and got clear plumb away,
I guess that stupid bear sure knows,
he met his match that day.

Well I've swore clear off of bear meat,
though beans won't make me stronger,
vegetarians just don't hunt for bear,
and gardeners live much longer.